Shelby’s Way… suggests that those who are coping with the traumatic loss of a friend or family member to suicide check out the KSPG’s Survivors of Suicide Resource Guide, titled “Let’s Talk…Surviving the Loss of A Loved One.” Excerpts below are from this free publication,
courtesy of www.kentuckysuicideprevention.org.
I do not know who first used the word “survivors” to describe family members and close friends who have experienced a loved one’s death from suicide. I have no doubt that surviving best describes what we try to do after suicide. There may be some days you don’t think you can or will survive. There may be some days you don’t want to survive and you may think of suicide yourself as a way out of the unrelenting, indescribable pain. If you feel this way, know that other survivors have had these thoughts. Reach out to us, call the crisis line or talk with a mental health professional, grief counselor or your clergy. Please do this immediately. It will make a difference. If the death has been within the last few days or weeks you may be saying things like, “No! This can’t be true. This feels like a bad dream.” When a death is sudden, no matter what the cause, we are stunned and bewildered. This period of shock may last for weeks or months and will be mixed with a multitude of emotions. Please remember, you did not choose this for your loved one; no one did, and no one is at fault. A suicide death will put tremendous stress on your family and can bring families together or tear them apart. Talk to one another about your loss and pain, but recognize there will be times you’re in such pain that it will be impossible to help anyone else.
Iris Bolton, the mother of a 22-year-old son who took his life in his bedroom, remembers the words of a therapist friend who came to her home the afternoon of her son’s death. His words had a profound effect on her. He told her to use the upcoming days and weeks to bring the family closer in a way not possible under normal circumstances. “Be honest and share feelings,” he said. “There is a gift in his death if you can find it.” It may take years for you to find meaning, but please know you can survive this, even though you may not think so now. Then you will know your own strength and that you can survive all life’s tragedies because none will ever be as great as this one.